I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
