I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
