he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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