yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
