And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
