sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
