she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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