I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need moral support for this bender
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
