My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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