I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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