Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
