WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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