shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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