he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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