i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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