sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
