I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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