Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
