i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
