just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
