I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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