somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
