oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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