fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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