I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
