At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
