he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
