it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
