The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
