Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
