So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's get the cat blown out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
