Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
