try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
