a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
