Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
