dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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