I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
