I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
