then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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