Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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