It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
