Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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