Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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