best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
