In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
