I puked a lego.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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