I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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