Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
