I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
