Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
