i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
