she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
