Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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