i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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