I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
