I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
