Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
